He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
