My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
