a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
