The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
