I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
