I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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