Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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