I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
