I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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