she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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