forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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