I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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