I have demons in me.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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