What a fucking waste of an outfit
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
