allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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