do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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