If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
