Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
