Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
