I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
