I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
