we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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