I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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