Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
