How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
