You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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