I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
