I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He? As in you personified your dick?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
