it's too hot outside to masturbate.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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