I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
