Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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