i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
People in love make me want to vomit
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
