mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
