So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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