ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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