highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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