ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
