Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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