I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
