i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Randomize
