Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
