At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
