just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
