Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize