Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
