Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
