She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
