i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
