Please, let me fuck your mom
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
