i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
