Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
