dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
