I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
