well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
