tonight lets celebrate not being married
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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