i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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