My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Brb crying the tears of my youth
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
