oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
