I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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