i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
