I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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