omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
two words...techno handjob
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
