No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
